what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
