i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I intend to get homeless drunk
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
