I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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