I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
