Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
