Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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