Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
