I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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