Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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