I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
