The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
All the doctor said was why
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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