sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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