I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
