Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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