Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
