Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
