just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
