its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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