I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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