he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
