its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
