I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
