i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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