For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
