Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
