I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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