Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
