She is in my trunk
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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