FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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