It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
