i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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