Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
