i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
