ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
