I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
