my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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