So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
