dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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