in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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