3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
