Where did you get a picture of my penis
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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