there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
