The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
