We won't sleep together?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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