That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
