guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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