just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
