Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
