I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
