Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
